If you were dating someone who had been engaged before, (or nearly engaged), your date tells you, that it was a very very near thing, but at the very last moment some information was presented to their side which they looked into, asked advice and were advised not to go ahead. You understand that it took your date many weeks to get back into shidduchim following thier feeling of loss.

A few days later you chance upon meeting the person your date almost married and you find them singularly unattractive, creepy, and with an unpleasant personality and you come away thinking 'I can't believe my date almost married this person'! Will that put you off your date? Will you more or less be ready to pull the plug then and there?

I would not be put off. I would assume that people change or that the other person had qualities that were not readily apparent.

I would not end a potential shidduch based on this.

No, that's pretty ridiculous. How can you even know what she saw in that person?

If the issue is that they might be easily manipulated by underhanded behavior, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. Breaking a shidduch in the last moment could be a red flag for fickleness or gullibility, but I think you should give them a chance.

So if someone liked someone you don't like that is reason for you to not like them? Wow it sounds like people are just making up increasingly absurd "standards" as they go along. Believe it or not, the petty rejection of others doesn't make you more chashuv.

I'd take a long hard look at myself in the mirror... then I'd look again when I'm sober.

You'd assume there's something wrong with you because the other person appeared defective and the same guy liked both of y'all?

Why not assume the other person was actually better that she appeared?

Well, say you got to know the person your present date previously dated seriously / got engaged to, and you still can't reconcile how someone like your date could take this person seriously. Would you then begin to doubt that you and your date are really deep down compatible. After all, if you and your date have extreme opposite tastes in music, what one loves the other abhors, could it not be that soul-wise you are totally tuned out.

Now you're introducing other differences. If the ex was the only issue and I couldn't reconcile it any other way, I'd chalk it up to his taste having improved

uhh... yes. Especially if Im ever holding at a point in my life where if a guy likes me matters or not.


Like an illusion? (Note: The drinking started after Ive seen the guy, not before.)

Say you met someone on a shidduch and got to like them after a while and then found out that this person is not a 'doctor' per se, but is actually a pathologist who works for the police cutting up bodies that have been dead for long periods of time, sometimes years, to investigate whether foul play was at work. This work involves cutting into putrid beetle infested decomposing flesh. Would that put you off? If not, would you wonder that there might be a side to the person that is quite 'gross'.

I would definitely not want to hear about the details of his work, but if he was otherwise a great guy I would not be put off.