Psychologists and rabbinic leaders are warning about the prevalence of
Honorifics and Frum Idiom Confusion Syndrome in the Jewish community, bli
ayin hara.

Over the past several years the number of honorifics and superstitious idioms
added to the frum vocabulary has been increasing exponentially, k'niyna
hara. This has caused some confusion to occur, baruch Hashem, especially to
those with more simple minds, kein yirbu.

Typically the syndrome starts with overuse of the terms, b'chasdei Hashem,
then quickly turns to usage of the terms in the completely wrong place,
shlita. In more advanced cases, nisht auf Shabbos geret, idioms foreign to
the frum world, l'havdil elef havdalos, are used as well, praise the L-rd.
In addition to the number of such terms, zy gezunt, the prevalence of usage
of such terms has increased exponentially as well, yasher koach. For
example, 20 years ago, mamesh, the term "baruch Hashem", was limited to a
portion of Maariv that most people did not say, gezundheit. Today it
constitutes 23% of a typical frum male's spoken word and 27% of a typical
frum female's, im yirtzeh Hashem by you. It has been added to most kosher
menus, thank you - come again, and has replaced "all of the above" on
standardized tests given to yeshiva bochrim, lo aleinu.

Family and friends of those afflicted with this disease, chas v'shalom, are
advised to use caution when asking simple questions such as "How are you?"
This may cause the afflicted person, zt"l, to reply with a stream of
unrelated frum idioms that usually have nothing to do with how they are
doing, yishtabach shmo. The best option, in the opinion of the
professionals, Hashem yinakem damam, is to stick a tehillim in front of
them, ad meah v'esrim. This should keep their mouths busy until such time as
a permanent cure is found.

That was great, zochoh lo.

Nooch - you're nominated as Mora D'asrah of the humor pages.
Chazak Ve'amatz.

One of the few laugh-out-loud jokes I've seen posted here.

So lebedig mamesh chaval.

Love it. Bravo.

Fantastic. Did you write that, Nooch?

http://www.theknish.com/article28.2.shtm

No. I am not that talented.I received it in an e-mail and decided that many here would chap hana'ah from it.

OK, I corrected it.


Psychologists and rabbinic leaders are warning about the prevalence of
Honorifics and Frum Idiom Confusion Syndrome in the Jewish community, rachmana litzlan.

Over the past several years the number of honorifics and superstitious idioms
added to the frum vocabulary has been increasing exponentially, k'niyna
hara. This has caused some confusion to occur, me'avonosainu harabim, especially to
those with more simple minds, chaval.

Typically the syndrome starts with overuse of terms, b'chasdei Hashem,
then quickly turns to usage of the terms in the completely wrong place,
zatzal. In more advanced cases, nisht Shabbos geredt, goyishe idioms foreign to
the frum world, l'havdil elef havdalos, are used as well, b'ezras Hashem.
In addition to the number of such terms, kein yirbu, the prevalence of usage
of such terms has increased exponentially as well, chas veshalom. For
example, mamash 20 years ago, the term "baruch Hashem", was limited to a
portion of Maariv that most people did not say, chalila. Today it
constitutes 23% of a typical frum male's spoken word and 27% of a typical
yiddishe female's, im yirtzeh Hashem by you. It has been added to most kosher
menus, thank you - come again, and has replaced "all of the above" on
standardized tests given to yeshiva bochrim, lo aleinu.

Family and friends of those afflicted with this disease, Hashem yishmor, are
advised to use caution when asking simple questions such as "How are you?"
This may cause the afflicted person, shlita, to reply with a stream of
unrelated frum idioms that usually have nothing to do with how they are
doing, yisbarach shmo. The best option, in the opinion of the
professionals, Hashem yinakem damam, is to stick a tehillim in front of
them, ad meah v'esrim shana. This should keep their mouths busy until such time as
a permanent cure is found, b'meheira biyameinu amen.

I didn't realize it needed correction.

terms were used incorrectly from my yeshivish point of view.

That was the whole point!!!!!!!

That was almost as funny...

Whoosh...... Nothing but net......

I thought the "whoosh" signified the sound of something going over their head...

It does...

So where does "nothing but net" come in? I was always under the impression it was synonymous for the colloquialism "slam dunk!", implying that one was right on the money. That's clearly at odds with the "whoosh", unless you're praising yourself for the "whoosh" smack-down....

A "Swoosh" is NOT a Slam Dunk...
I was referring to the "sound", but I see your point....

I find it funnier this way. Can't please everyone.