So you've gone out for or five time and you're ready to end it. What's appropriate - do you break up over the phone or in person? If someone was breaking up with you, would you prefer they did so in person or over the phone?

I'd say in person but it very much depends. For instance, if going out requires a lot of planning, effort, it might not be appropriate to plan another date for the sole purpose of breaking up with the person.

Phone.

I'd say after 5 times you owe them the respect of breaking up to their face....

Break-ups hurt more on the phone, but then again, the risk of ending up in prison for assault is not worth it. I'd say phone...

Because?

Yeah at least have enough respect for the person (and yourself) to tell them to their face. And don't do the "it's not you, it's me". If you went out five times, obviously it's not because there's no attraction or it wouldn't have gone that far. So there is usually a non insulting reason like you have fundamental disagreements on important things or you don't think your personalities match well enough.

Especially if you're a guy, be a man about it. I mean come on.

Hear hear about the "it's not you it's me." Most insulting non-thing to say. Choice phone or face? *shrug*...so long as you don't do it by emai or text....both suck bigtime.

Then that one that after going out 14 times and decided to end it by sending an email was wrong after all...

I agree that it might be more respectful to do it in person, but I still vote "phone". Five dates is not that many IMO, and wasting an entire date and a couple of hours, just to say goodbye, is sort of a waste of time for the two of you.

I'm inclined to agree with this. If you're not in a committed relationship, what is the point of going out just so you can "break up" with the person (I don't think I'd even define this as breaking up - more like "I'm not interested in continuing to see you")? Unless five dates in your circle means committed, serious relationship, it's best to just call and let them know you're no longer interested, rather than wasting their time dragging them out for the news.

What is the breakup procedure (after as many dates as are needed to require it) anyway? Do you say "let's get together for X" (coffee, a meal, whatever) and break up at the beginning? At the end? Say "let's meet to talk" (isn't that pretty much the same as saying "let's get together to break up"?).

Also, what if a woman wants to break up and it's not acceptable in her circles to do the inviting?

Why do people want to have their cake and eat it?

Well if you're that frum just break up through the shadchen. But I'm talking primarily about people who are at the point of calling each other directly and meeting up fairly often.