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The stereotype of the 16-year-old boy is that he has sex on the brain. But a fascinating new report suggests that boys are motivated more by love and a desire to form real relationships with the girls they date.
The report, published in this month’s Journal of Adolescence, paints a far different picture of teen boys than the stereotype of testosterone-fueled youth. Psychology researchers from the State University of New York at Oswego surveyed 105 10th-grade boys whose average age was about 16. The boys, most of whom said they were heterosexual, were given surveys asking them to select various reasons why they asked girls out, dated and pursued physical relationships. Most of the boys had dating experience, and about 40 percent were sexually active.
The boys were asked their reasons for dating and were allowed to mark more than one answer. Notably, being physically attracted to someone wasn’t the primary motivation they gave for dating. More than 80 percent of the boys noted “I really liked the person.'’ Physical attraction and wanting to get to know someone better were the second most popular answers.
The report, published in this month’s Journal of Adolescence, paints a far different picture of teen boys than the stereotype of testosterone-fueled youth. Psychology researchers from the State University of New York at Oswego surveyed 105 10th-grade boys whose average age was about 16. The boys, most of whom said they were heterosexual, were given surveys asking them to select various reasons why they asked girls out, dated and pursued physical relationships. Most of the boys had dating experience, and about 40 percent were sexually active.
The boys were asked their reasons for dating and were allowed to mark more than one answer. Notably, being physically attracted to someone wasn’t the primary motivation they gave for dating. More than 80 percent of the boys noted “I really liked the person.'’ Physical attraction and wanting to get to know someone better were the second most popular answers.
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The data also suggest that teenage boys will be receptive to parental messages about the importance of getting to know a girl and respect within relationships, even if they act otherwise. “Very few parents really talk to their sons about relationships,'’ Dr. Smiler said. “We know that many parents do have these kinds of conversations with girls.'’
Dr. Smiler said parents should talk to boys and girls and try to teach them about both romantic and platonic relationships, how to develop and maintain them, how to deal with ups and downs and how to forgive and regain trust.
“Somehow we buy into this idea that guys aren’t emotional, that guys aren’t interested in relationships, so we don’t give our teenagers the information,'’ Dr. Smiler said. “Boys rarely hear this kind of information about relationships from parents, whether about friendships or romantic relationships.”
Dr. Smiler said parents should talk to boys and girls and try to teach them about both romantic and platonic relationships, how to develop and maintain them, how to deal with ups and downs and how to forgive and regain trust.
“Somehow we buy into this idea that guys aren’t emotional, that guys aren’t interested in relationships, so we don’t give our teenagers the information,'’ Dr. Smiler said. “Boys rarely hear this kind of information about relationships from parents, whether about friendships or romantic relationships.”
I also thought the end of the article (2nd quote) was very interesting. I do see a parallel in Jewish communities as well- Teenage girls are told dating and shalom bais stuff starting in HS, but boys are not.