So I was in charge of running group meals this Shabbos and as my role includes pretending to be nice and welcoming to people I noticed there was this chick there in her late teens/early 20's who didn't really seem to be socializing but she looked like she belonged there and was a "regular" (or was just in general anti-social like I am) so I didn't pay her much attention. What DID catch my eye is that she never took her hat (a Gap ski hat) off the ENTIRE Shabbos. At first I thought she might be married and instead of a tichel was wearing the hat but I didn't think so.

Eventually we shmoozed, and it turns out she wasn't a regular at all, and in fact had never been there before and knew no one, and she felt a bit embarrassed and uncomfortable. It turns out she was very nice, and quite friendly, was very sociable and she really "opened up" when she was paid attention to, and made to feel welcome and at home. Except for the fact that she INSISTED on calling me "HaRav" and referring to me in the third person after repeatedly asking her not to. (which became quite confusing because I didn't know when she meant ME, or the REAL Rav who I was substituting for) She even said over a "vort" to me that she was embarrassed to say publicly in front of everyone at the table, and then to my shock gave a very nice d'var Torah at shalosheudos in front of everyone* (granted a smaller group than the other meals).

So by the end she loosened up and was acting as if she was "one of the chevra" but she STILL never took off her hat.
Now normally I would say that someone who wears a ski hat inside (when it isn't cold) is sending a clear message "Stay the hell away from me" and it radiates an aura of anti-sociality. But it was clear in that this chick did NOT want to be ignored, and was just waiting to "be noticed and encouraged", and once she was, she participated fully with the group.

My question is why would someone act in a way that sends out vibes that they want to be left alone not messed with, if they are actually quite friendly and sociable? I understand being shy and not feeling comfortable in a strange setting (as I am not the most outgoing person myself), but that is VERY different from davka keeping people at bay and looking intimidating. So what is her deal? I was looking for an opening to ask her but I never got the chance. I think it was more than a "bad hair day". It could be she is just nuts, I seem to be a magnet for such people...

*As I was only a guest myself, I decided to humble myself and follow the minhag hamakom of this particular place which among other things does not include silencing or disempowering women... I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea Chas V'Shalom....

You know it IS possible she is a chemotherapy patient.

I was thinking more of an eminem rapper wannabe.

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Some people have a problem with their hair. Others just like to wear hats.

Could be a bad dye job.

It must be a fashion statement. If she had a real problem, she'd have pretty hats.

Well...I have no idea why she had the hat on in the first place, but as to why she might leave it on the entire Shabbos once she is already wearing it seems pretty obvious (at least to me). She would have "hat head" and would do anything to avoid beeing seen looking like that in public, including wearing a ski hat indoors for the entire Shabbos.

Seriously... short of being in a blizzard, you would be hard pressed to ever find me wearing a hat or anything else on my head for that reason (and I can assure you I am not alone in thinking this way).

Me too

I was thinking the same thing; either that or she has alopaecia. Either way she doesn't sound nuts at all. Invite her on a date K-reb. if she shows up for the date with the same ski hat on or another all enveloping head covering, you know she probably has one of the above.

I don't think she is a Chemo patient r"l...

As for inviting her on a date I think that would be just a BIT forward, considering I know nothing about this chick, including how religious she is (although I saw she made tea in a kli shlishi which is a fairly good indication). The fact that she insists on referring to me as "HaRav" doesn't help either and besides, who even said I was interested or liked her? I was just fascinated by her behavior and I like to "study" people and analyze them....

If I see her again, I'll ask her either way...

It would be awesome if you two went out and she still called you "HaRav".

There will be "corrective action" taken if she continues to do this... (if I ever see her again)

I'm upset I couldn't make it. I was right near by but - couldn't find the place even though I've been there before. Yeah, there's a million people I could have asked but something else came up anyway... whatever... next time bli neder...

Next time is Next Shabbos....

Great! As of now I don't have Shabbos plans. So maybe I come for the whole meals... would that be okay? (Yes, I know this should be a PM but I'm too lazy!)

A week ago we went to a melava malka siyum hosted by a ladies shiur group my husband gives. They kept called him Rabbi which is fair enough even tho he doesn't have smicha; he does give a lot of shiurim so he gets called Rabbi a lot. I didn't like being called Rebbetzen though.....

I don't see why not. Just come on time because Doodle came late and had a hard time finding a seat....

I have come to the conclusion that this display of weird behavior was simply a (successful) attempt to get on H.com as a topic. Brilliant.

Its alright, I just popped in to say hi, wasnt planning on sitting long

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Was there good kugel?

The food was pretty good. I didnt taste the kugel though.


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Hmm...but did it smell good?

Yeah.

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Ahem, can we please get back to talking about the hat chick???

Sorry.
I think you guys should go out.

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I invited her to a wedding on Tue night. We'll see if she shows....

I think so too (provided she agrees to stop calling you HaRav). You seem very intrigued by her and had a lot of nice things to say about her. That must mean something.

You invited her to whose wedding?

Maybe you should slow down a bit.

Obviously not mine...
It's OK, I have "inviting rights" and many of the people who were there on Shabbos will be a the wedding......


Will you people make up your minds

Oh, not your wedding. I get it.

(thanks, Rachel8; don't remember seeing this thread before)



what does it indicate?



nah, imagine if they got married and she was still calling him harav...



wow.

You invite her to a wedding and only spend five minutes talking to her?? No wonder you're still single...


(BTW, I find the HaRav thing highly amusing; they should date if only for that.)

I had a coworker in B'ham who said that his son married a woman who called him "sir." He thought it was a little too formal.

That's mean.

K-Rebbe - did she come?

Yes she came. Otherwise how did I talk to her for 5 mins??? I highly doubt she came to see ME though. Although she did go out of her way to come over and say hello. But it's not like I "invited her" to a wedding as my "guest". It was completely separate seating.
Incidentally, she was wearing another kind of hat, so I'm starting to wonder whether she may have been married at some point. (which would also be a good indication that she's pretty frum)

And I would have liked to talk to her more but she came over to say hello right before the chuppah, and it was raining and the Kallah was about to walk out... I looked for another opportunity but the wedding was packed and was absolute mayhem and I didn't see an opening.

Too bad too, I was fairly intoxicated....

As for dating, I have no indication that she is the slightest bit interested in me...

Hmm... I'll ask her.

A bit juvenile, but effective I suppose....

i know I'm a newbie and all, but how do you know this girl in the hat doesn't read h.com? or has a friend that does and they are all talking about you too?

For starters, she doesn't speak (much) English...
Although we have had similar situations on H.com....

Not to suggest anything, is it possible that she covers her hair because she has been with a man previously?

K reb where is this thing. We are in Jerusalem this shabbos so maybe we will pop in???

Ahhhh, so you ARE interested! Is she coming for shabbos?

Duplicate post.

(Mods, as long as you're being post-removal-happy, you can take this one out too. Thanks.)

I don't KNOW if I'm interested yet....
And she very well might be, I don't know...

!@#$%

If you WEREN'T interested, you'd know.






Little trigger happy with that submit button, were we?

She'll be there.

I think you should snap pictures m"sh, so we can see the hat.

I'm glad you're convinced...