A guy travels to a girl's hometown to date her. Whose responsibility is it to arrange the date? Should she just assume that it's hers?

Never.
Assume.
Anything.

It's fair that the girl arrange what to do, especially if we're talking about outside New York, where it's so much easier for someone who lives in the place to know about Kosher resteraunts and what to do than for someone visiting. That said, I'd explicitly ask the girl to do this (I don't really know the town ____ very well. Would it be ok if you suggest a place we could go to eat or something fun to do?) and not just assume that. I'd ask her at least a day or two before we actually meet. I think this is fair.

In my personal opinion, I think that many guys would appreciate that.

I agree.


I agree. I think it's fine if she prepares the date, but she should be forewarned. Just because a girl has been living in a city her whole life, does not mean she knows her way around the dating spots.


I think so too, but should she assume it's her problem? I personally agree with pottsville.

They should discuss that ahead of time.

Yeah right, the guy is still fully responsible even if he has never been there before. It is quite difficult unless you have a good reconnaissance network like K-Rebbe does, even then it poses an added unnecessary challenge on top of everything else...

I think that if the guy is truly out of his element it wouldn't be too much to ask for the chick to at least have rachmanus and give a few possible suggestions instead of the usual answers "I don't know" or "Whatever you want" to the question "What do you want to do?"

But do you agree or disagree that she should know about that before?

How can she NOT? She knows the guy is coming from "out of town", and in all likelihood is not overly familiar with the area. (Even if he IS, not to the extent where he would know all the dating spots).

Plus, the guy may not be familiar with the minhagim of the makom, such as in Baltimore, where after a man drives hours to get to the city and pick up the girl, and he's about to pass out from hunger, the girl will then tell him that it's forbidden for the two of them to go to a local eatery, as that would imply that they are engaged, and therefore he has to drive another hour to D.C. to eat.

Why especially if we're talking about outside NY?

If you're going to NY, it's possible look online and find places to eat. Plus, a girl living in the NY area won't necessarily have a better idea about restaurants in NYC (well, maybe if she goes out there alot). But, if you're traveling to Pittsburgh, Dallas, or Des Moines, it's harder to find that information online, and a person living there has a much better sense of what's there.

That's ridiculous. shamash.org has all that information + reviews. (BTW Pittsburgh has awesome restaurants)

So you're saying she should assume.


Right. If a guy cares enough, he can work it out.

if he didn't mention anything on the phone about it, my suggestion would be to find out about a few places, just in case. when he comes/calls, see if he suggests anything (if he did the homework), and if not, then tell him your ideas.

If it's the girl's hometown, it should definitely be the girl arranging matters. She can suggest a lounge, restaurant, gaming center, etc - and then let the guy figure out how to get her there.

Nothing like pushing the date venue envelope.

1) Don't date frummies.

2) Don't date kooks.

3) Don't base your opinion on something that happened one time on a date with a frummy kook.

what if someone is a frummy (whatever you mean by that), whom can he/she date then?

Frummies, but then don't get upset by their irrational behavior.

well, there are frummies who think like that and there are frummies who don't. what's wrong with wanting the second type and being upset/surprised by the first type behavior?

If she suggests a lounge, I am very likely to immediately turn around the car and drive home......

would like to see it

That's actually one of my few tenoyim when going out with someone. No hotel lobbies.....

it's fine if you discuss it beforehand. but if you were the out-of-town one and relied on the girl to come up with ideas, and you picked her up and she told you "let's go to this and this hotel lobby", i'd like to watch you

Ok, immediately is probably a bit of an exaggeration, but if she insisted on going to a hotel lobby the date would be over before it began....

But I have done much rasher things before, so it is certainly a possibility......

nah, then there is nothing interesting to watch for me...

but "you" can't be upset with her choice if "you" leave it up to her without prior discussing

I wouldn't get IN to such a situation in the first place. I would know enough about a girl before driving all the way there that this wouldn't be an issue. In fact, she would have to be pretty impressive for me to even agree to an out of town date....

And do you really think I am going to shlep YOU along on an out of town date to be a chaperon???

note the " "

who said anything about shlepping with you on your date?

How else would you "watch"???

standing right near your pick up point and watch the girl getting out of the car a minute after she got in, and you driving away.