Do you understand men yet? If you're married, has your understanding increased relative to the length of your marriage, or you still don't get them?

I understand my husband better than when I first married him (or maybe he's modified himself into a type I can better understand. Who knows). Men in the abstract? I have no idea.

All you need to do in order to understand men is to observe a group of 4~5 year-old boys in a playground for a couple of hours and apply your observations across the board. Oh and remember that after age 12 or so they are attracted to young, thin, semi-naked women like sharks to blood.

I would say that my understanding has increased but I'm definitely still learning.

Who has time for semi-naked? Only naked.

Men are to be obeyed, not understood.

He's been womanized already. A man needs to go through that process.


Okay, I don't understand men.


Was that supposed to be funny?

Once you understand men, you realize they have a need to believe they are being obeyed.

(See? I am learning!)

That's awful. Just because they have an illegitimate need, does that mean it needs to be filled? We all have inappropriate needs...we shouldn't bend over backwards to fulfill them.

why is it awful and illegitimate?



"men are pigs", huh?

I think it's awful that they have this need to feel like the world is kissing their toes and that the women in their lives just blindly follow whatever they say and that women fall into this and make them believe that they're being obeyed even when they're not. It's all about stroking the male ego, and I think that's pathetic. I used to think that men were "strong"...I would still like to think that, and not that they're only strong if their woman makes them feel strong.

i think, historically, man was THE boss in the family. methinks, it comes from that.

and i see nothing pathetic about stroking the male ego.

Haha! Love that.



I don't know if I'd say it's illegitimate. It comes from hundred of years ago when that is exactly what many, if not all, people believed. Men were the ones who were the "head of the household," the ones who gave orders and made decisions. While that may not be the case nowadays, that deons't mean that that way of thinking is not present in our time.



Everyone is strong in their own way. And not all men feel that way; yes, some do, but not all. That way of thinking is pretty much dead and buried. How many women do you know would act that way these days? I don't know any.
Also, it's not about women actually bending to the men, it's about letting them THINK we do....

As for the OP, I think the older you get, the more you understand everything around you, including men. At the same time, it's not really important to understand all men, just the few that are important to you.

You're right. Illegitimate wasn't a good word.


Ha! About 90% of the women I know either do act that way, or see it as an ideal.


But that's not honest. I would never want someone to treat me in an insincere way; are you saying men like that?

Stupid, maybe?



Then you know the wrong people.



You pick and chose your battles.

Did you word it that way on purpose?

Whatever "that way" is, no. My mind isn't (usually) in the gutter.

I think nine times out of ten I can predict exactly what my husband will say and do in any situation. Occasionally he still surprises me but that is rare. I can sometimes almost speak with him, that's how much I know what he's going to say. So yes I think I understand him. Do I understand all men? No way.

This seems to be apropos:

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules " from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Yes, and yes. I read my husband like a book. He reads me like a book too, come to think of it.

you mean except for your little pornography incident?

So don't complain that you don't like it when men ignore YOUR emotional needs...

What would be the point in attempting to understand the opposite sex if you refuse to put that information to good use? One of the most basic things about men is they don't like to feel emasculated and making them feel that way even if you think it is stupid and immature (which it very well MAY be) is not likely to lead to harmony and shalom bayis. Obviously there is a limit as to how much you are expected to cater to our "quirks", and every guy has his own individual "comfort level", but to take the attitude you did above is not going to cut it with any guy, unless he is a total shmatta (and even shmattas have a breaking point)....

But that is the whole point. Men think chicks are out of their cotton picking minds, and chicks think men are immature and egotistical. We think and operate very differently, and unless you are willing to TRY to take his needs into consideration, even though they seem ridiculous to you, don't expect very much success.....

Understanding men is not hard to do.

Seriously? I think 100% of the women I know don't act that way and don't see that as an ideal.

Exactly.

Stroking a man's ego is pathetic, or the fact that its necessary is pathetic?

9

It does seem that men are not willing to understand women's emotional needs, yet we are supposed to cater to their omnipresent and ever-fragile male ego?
What about the female ego?

Perhaps, unfortunately that is your personal experience, but I don't think you can make a blanket statement like this. I don't think it's true and you can never prove it one way or the other.

I agree with k-rebbe in that if you (women in general) disregard a man's emotional needs b/c you judge them to be illegitimate then how can you expect men to respect womne's emotional needs? Women seem just as wacky to us as we do to you.

Don't remind me.

Embracing a pissing contest or t¡t for tat mentality is very unlikely to lead to any sort of meaningful relationship with the opposite sex. This isn't so much about male or female ego, as it is about ego in general and an unwillingness to cater to the needs of someone else when they conflict with your own.

I think most (normal, non pathological) people in relationships want to make the other person happy while maintaining as much of their own dignity as possible. The problem is when people don't know or don't CARE what that is, and often there is no open communication. Assumption is the kryptonite of many failed relationships.

1. I never complained. I never even said I'm attempting to understand the opposite sex, although that would be nice. The OP was open to the floor; this wasn't about me.

2. Who said anything about refusing to put the information to good use? What good use? I'm not married. I have no one to put the information to good use on.

3. Of course I want to take his needs into consideration. I understand that you don't want to feel emasculated. Who does? I just don't quite get it. It doesn't seem very honest to me, and I don't get putting yourself down in order to build him up. Why can't you be supportive and loving and respectful without that?



Wait, what way are we talking about? Maybe I'm misunderstanding.

That's what I don't like...not being honest. Why would a husband want his wife to pretend she's feeling a certain way if she isn't? I'm a terrible liar. He would be able to read right through me. I would hope he'll be respect-worthy enough that I won't have to pretend.


I'm not sure I understand the question. I don't think the fact that it's necessary is pathetic. Everyone needs their ego stroked sometimes...but it has to be sincere.


I already took back the word "illegitimate." I'm not attempting to disregard a man's needs. I want to understand you, that's all. [Women can seem pretty wacky to me as well.]


Of course!

What do you mean sincere?

9

Men aren't wacky (at least not to me).



I agree that honesty is best, however, it also depends on the situation and the person. As I said before, you have to pick and chose your battles. Sometimes it's easier to just agree or let them think one thing, than to disagree and/or possibly fight with them.

I'm remembering a particular young man (not my brother) sitting in my kitchen after a date and saying that what he liked about the girl he went out with is that she argued with him. Girls who just agreed with him were a turn-off.

I agree. A guy who just sits there and does nothing is boring. I like people who make me think. But this goes back to my point...Time and place. To me, there's a time and place in which to sit and argue a point with someone, and then there's a time and place in which you should not.

Pray tell, what is a tat?

it greatly depends about what she was arguing with him. i doubt very much that a man would enjoy if his wife was arguing with him on a daily basis, about everything and anything. Aviva is right, "sometimes it's easier to just agree or let them think one thing, than to disagree and/or possibly fight with them."

mosehshmeal
.

Your response is ambiguous - I can see two ways of understanding it.