I have never gone out with anyone that I considered "unmarriageable." None of these guys were for me, and most of them had flaws that I didn't like, but I didn't see anything inherently "unmarriageable" about them.

I think anyone who goes on lots of dates and considers many of their SDJ's "unmarrigeable" is projecting.

I think that some older singles DO have issues that preclude them from getting married, but I think the vast majority simply haven't found someone who is a right fit for them. I agree that someone who dates quite a few people and complains that they all are not of marriageable quality is saying more about themselves than their dates. Granted, one can get set up with a few weirdos, but by and large, all the singles I know are relatively normal people with their own quirks. The fact that I won't date someone has to do with me and my preferences, not them.

Definitely some do, and you read about them in that "Dating Primer" column in the Jewish Press all the time, but I think a lot of these issues like problems with commitment or "daddy/mommy issues" are not things that anyone would be able to discern from a few dates -- usually these things can only be seen as part of a pattern of unsuccessful dating.

For the record I have never been out with a girl who is "unmarriageable" so when I used the term I was not speaking about people I personally went out with, but other girls I know, or my friends have gone out with.

I have noticed that the older a girl gets, the more independent she gets and the higher her standards seem to get. Also chicks that go to college and have successful careers before they get married often seem not to "have time" for serious relationships and don't want marriage to impinge on their current lifestyle. Also they expect a different kind of guy than a fresh out of sem girl does the problem being that many frum guys never become that, and the ones that do aren't "frum enough" for them. They want someone who is more sophisticated, worldly, often "modern", and at the same time he has to be a talmid chacham and just as "frum" as someone right out of yeshiva.
So if the guy is working, they don't learn enough. If they learn, they aren't able to provide parnossa and aren't worldly enough. They have to have goals planned out from now until 120, and those goals must fit in perfectly with HER way of life. In short, they want a man that frankly doesn't exist and if some do they are few and far between....

This is the reason that most of the chicks I've gone out with have been significantly younger than me. Because it seems as if by the time they reach a certain age they are completely ruined...

Now obviously this is a gross generalization, but it certainly seems to be an observable trend.....

I used to think some people were unmarriagable because they were so strange, or very set in their ways, or different in some other way. But the fact that they did get married gives me hope- if that weirdo finds someone who can put up with them, there's definitely someone out there for me.

Why the doubt? Of course there's someone.

I have a friend whom I never thought would marry; she had too many emotional and mental issues. Sure enough, she's married with a child. I think she's happy, and so is her husband.

It's davka the people who everyone thinks never will get married that always seem to manage....

The people who don't, at least many of them, seem to be "great catches", they just for whatever reason have a hard time finding the right one (or set standards so high they can never be satisfied)....

When I was age 40-43 and single, I met a good number of women who I saw were single for good reason. I have met plenty of men who are also single for good reason.

So,I have to disagree with most of you. There are definitely people out there who are just not going to get married unless they make radical changes to themselves, mainly with their attitudes. They are too picky, self-centered, have intimacy issues, etc. It is meanwhile no blessing for these people to find someone. If and when these people do marry, the marriages are usually short lasting---ending in weeks, if not days.

I think K- & G- Rebbes(!) are mixing up "unmmariageable" with "having attitudes that are not conducive to getting married."

To me "unmarriageable" is basically a nut, someone who doesn't know how to act like a mentch, or bathe on a regular basis, or take their medications. I don't think this exists too much.

"Having attitudes that are not conducive to getting married"? I won't deny that this exists.

I have friends who I think would need someone very special. That's different than being unmarriageable, though.

As far as my own dating experience, I don't think any of them were unmarriageable in general but most were certainly unmarriageable with me!

I resent the attitude that married people are healthy well-balanced individuals and singles who are older are not. I recently went to an engagement party for a couple that were dating less than 4 weeks. It was the most love-less pathetic engagement I had ever been to. I wonder if she knew his name. People get married for all different reasons - whether they are emotionally ready/mature or not.

Just because they dated for only a few weeks and didn't seem to be in love yet, doesn't mean their marriage won't be successful. Many chareidi couples in our community (including my own kids) dated for only a week or two, barely knew each other when they got engaged, but knew enough; the spark was there, it felt right and they mostly end up happily married. My youngest son met his future wife on a Wednesday, dated her Wed, Thur, Sun, and Monday they got engaged. They were talking like an old married couple by Sunday already. They are blissfully happy B"H. And on the converse side what about those cohabiting couples who have been together for years and as soon as they tie the knot officially, it all goes downhill and they get divorced?

While infatuation is certainly no guarantee of long-term marital bliss, and a love-less engagement doesn't absolutely preclude a loving marriage, I'd say that a love-less engagement is highly disturbing in and of itself. If long-term marital bliss for infatuated cohabitating couples is a cr ap shoot, for 
those going through the love-less engagment it's like the Keno game at the Vegas airport. Oh, and right-wing religious couples not getting divorced has never been proof of marital bliss. Actually it doesn't even rule out an absoultely miserable marriage staying together so "shadchanim don't blacklist the kids"...

There is no way you can really get to know a person in a week or two. But I don't doubt that this method works for some people.

I was thinking of it the opposite way; if you're infatuated for five days doesn't mean anything will stay of it after five weeks.

My parents knew each other 2 weeks when they got married. They just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.

All sorts of people get married and all sorts of people don't. I love it when people have all sorts of reasons to explain why others aren't married when in reality those reasons are based on what they think is ideal and how the person they are judging is different from their view of ideal. There are all sorts of people out there. So someone has a quirk that irritates you and you think that's why their not married. Well, there is likely someone out there who likes that quirk or even has the same one and they will make a perfect match. There is no need to clone the steriotypical normal personality to be worthy of getting married.

Married?!?!?

got married or got engaged? How could they organize the whole wedding in 2 weeks?

Yes, married. My dad was in the Marines and met my mom when he was home on leave. After a week, he told her "I have to go back in a week and I'm not sure when I'll be home again. Do you want to come with me?" They had a small wedding with as many family and friends as they could gather on short notice. It really doesn't take much to plan a wedding if you keep things simple. I did my whole wedding for 300+ people in 6 weeks and the only reason it took that long was becasue I had to wait for sefira to be over.

awwwwww

Yea I guess if you keep it simple. I did one of my daughters' wedding in 9 weeks; (just thinking why it took so long now... I think it was also Sefira..).