...and just couldn't get why her name sounds so familiar.

It's of course inappropriate for her to introduce you to Sender, but did she introduce you to Sarah Draizel?
And is she talking to Lauren yet? They got into a bit of a fight...far be it from me to spread lashon hara, but Lauren wouldn't eat her salad because she was afraid that Nechama Dina didn't check the broccoli heads adequately and Nechama Dina got really insulted.

I ate her salad last night. Not bad.

The one with the Craisins and the sugar coated almond slivers?

I heard that Lauren is developing a process in her laboratory for getting rid of bugs... something to do with sub-acoustic waves, lamellar bodies and duct tape. It's all very top secret.

I don't think that's what he was getting at.

No need to over-analyze it now.

Did Lauren give a shiur on how to not eat the (unhealthy) sugar coated almonds on Shabbos?

Now I'm confused. Did RebProp eat Nechama Dina's salad, or Laurens (unhealthy) sugar coated almonds?

mosheshmeal
.

It is? Why is that?

Unconnected spouses shouldn't meet in social situations - you may come to regret your choice of spouse.

Are you even 1% serious that some people think this way?!?

As opposed to all the other ways one can come to regret one's choice in spouse? How about meeting the same spouse but this time with their husband/wife? How about meeting an attractive man/woman at work or on the subway or at a shul function?

Clearly, the best way to prevent this from ever happening is to never leave the house [or interact with the outside world] at all.

Approximately 2% serious.
My understanding from h.com is that indeed among the reasons for not socializing with other couples, at least during the delicate primary year of marriage, is so that one should not end up comparing spouses and regretting one's own choice thereof and that couples need to live in some sort of hermetically sealed biodome in order to be happy.

I think the best quote about this was Paul Newman: "Why eat hamburger out when you have steak at home?"

By all means go out there, look at other people, compare.... as long as the end result is "Thank G-d I married whom I married." What you're saying is "but what if that isn't your conclusion?" Well...then either you married the wrong person or you are temporarily swayed by naarishkeiten.

I think the point was that meeting someone else's spouse in a social setting doesn't have to entail comparing, and in fact it shouldn't, regardless of whether your husband comes out at the better end or not.

If the state of one's marriage is dependant on whether or not they interact socially with other couples, I would argue that perhaps their marriage isn't so strong to begin with and they have much bigger issues to worry about than who they are socializing with.

Right, that was my point.

Well, if you ask me, the people who are careful about this believe that *any* casual interaction between an unrelated male and female, married or single, is inappropriate, whether it leads to spousal comparison or not. They just frown on intergender socializing, period.

Yes, but for somewhat different reasons and with different sets of rules. For example, let's say Nechama Dina and Sender have a policy of avoiding mixed gender social interactions. The reality is that in spite of that policy, they would likely be more likely to have their married friends for shabbat lunch rather than a gaggle of Beis Rivkah babes at the same time as a covey of Morristown dudes. Secondly, if the reason were limiting social interactions, then there wouldn't be different rules for shanah rishonah couples than for longer married couples.
So while I realize many frown on intergender socializing, it's not so black and white, but there are caveats and exceptions and gradations to that general rule, and one of the factors that influence the final decision is apparently, at least for some, whether it could lead to spousal comparisons, something arguably possibly more likely for relatively newlyweds.

Comparing and mixed gender socializing are two separate issues. Comparing can take place even without socializing. Like, say Nechama Dina runs over to Sarah Draizel to borrow a bottle of milk, and sees Shmully on his knees scrubbing the floor, and the thought runs through her mind "Sender would never do that." I think comparing should be discouraged (although apparently only frummy couples need to be warned about this and MO people know from birth not to covet one's neighbor's wife or house or anything that belongs to one's neighbor.)

As far as not having couples over, my husband and I hosted and were hosted by other young couples during shana rishona, so I can't really comment. Although these dinner dates seemed to be more successful if both husbands and both wives were friends.

Absolutely. As a general rule [although there are some exceptions] comparing that leads to jealousy tends not to be helpful, but even more than that, it is often inaccurate - ya never know what's really going on. Tomorrow a peer apparently successful in business can be all over the papers because of some legal shenanigans, or you don't know what kind of debt people are carrying, or tomorrow your peers of whom I was jealous can get a divorce...
The question in my mind is simply whether socializing inevitably leads to comparing. I don't think it does, or at least isn't a big enough risk to mean one should not socialize lest it lead to comparing and regretting one's choice of spouse.

Of course it shouldn't. But we are human and flawed. If Rochel is boasting about what her husband Dovid treated her to for her birthday, when your husband is lousy at birthdays, or if Rochel's husband lets her sleep on Shabbos afternoon while he stays up with the kids, it would take a saint not to feel resentful.

Yes and no. Like I said above, we don't always know the whole story. Secondly, people often come as packages where a maylah is often comes together with something less than exemplary. For example, I'm not fun. But that comes with the package of being a straight arrow.

Not necessarily. I'm no saint and once listened to such an account and mh is lousy at bdays (even when he tries) BUT I also know that a) I don't care as much as this wife, b ) my husband doesn't yell at me, and c) they have a VERY different relationship tha I do with my spouse. So eventhough I don't 'compare' it didn't even make me jealous for one second (whichw as funny because you can tell she was trying hard by going on&on& on about this)


What does 'straight arrow' mean?

heh. You sound like MH

Probably that WYSIWYG, no guile and hidden agendas. A real maylah IMHO.

You are right about the birthday thing; but it takes time in a marriage to realize your husband has other maylos to balance out his lousy treatment on your birthday. By which time your kids are old enough to make a fuss of you themselves!

In the beginning when you are insecure it might matter more.

I always had the impression you're plenty of fun ... but i guess that depends on who you ask

Package....straight arrow....if I didn't know you better I'd say you're sounding rather cocky.