http://www.famousrabbis.com/my/13.htm

So there is much talk on h.com about chumras and personal gedarim. Here we have a full chapter on the subject. The chumras relating to halacha (e.g. kashrus) are coming up later -- here though it's about gedarim relating to pleasure.

These gedarim do not receive much press these days.

The following examples are listed as laudable:
-Not eating to satiety
-Not talking too much
-Not wearing fancy clothes and haircuts
-Not taking too much pleasure from sex.

The idea is that these gedarim cultivate good traits, and keep you away from developing bad ones.

Then he addresses the common criticism that if the Chazal wanted people to keep these gedarim, why didn't they say so? And the answer is that Chazal only established binding gedarim if they thought majority of Israel could keep them -- and Chazal did not think that regular people can be expected to act as saints.


Do you hold by any of these abovementioned chumras? Why is it that when people describe each other as "machmir", say for the purposes of shidduch dating, they only refer to people being machmir on halachic things like which hechsher they hold by [to be discussed in the next chapter], but not any of these? It seems like when it comes to dating these would be A LOT more relevant as they speak to one's midos.

I personally would distinguish between humroth and gedarim. On the one hand, humroth tend to fall along halachic lines: not eating gebrokts, siniuth meaning bullet-proof stockings, wigs being invalid as hair coverings for women, etc. Conversely, the gedarim spoken of in Mesilath Yesharim address personal traits.

I think that it's also important to not "be frum on Yenna's cheshbon". I'm not sure who Yenna is, but in any case, is it laudable to:

-Not eat so much when your wife has cooked dinner for you? She may be insulted.
-Not talk too much when your wife (or another close friend) needs to talk about something and wants to discuss it with you at length?

Also, regarding pleasure from sex, it is taught in the Torah sources that one should ideally prolong the intimacy for the benefit of one's wife. How does that work out with not taking too much pleasure from sex? That seems to imply that one should minimize the act as much as possible.

Why does it matter what you call it?



Thinking of the motherland tends to prolong it.

Thanks for the unsolicited tip.

Just trying to help you fulfill what's in the Torah sources and resolve the contradiction you had brought up.

Au contraire, if you minimize your pleasure, you will prolong the intimacy.

One or two, yes. Though I wouldn't call them chumras.


Why? Because despite the renewed interest in middot, just about every single person in the New York tri-state area has cr@ppy middot, that's why. On Sunday I was shopping on Avenue J and saw a frum person triple parking!!!!!!!!

New York tri-state area frum Jews are like the chassidah. They're nice to people that they know and they're cr@p to everyone else.

And you were told this by whom?

Told?

enjoy the pic!