I know some women in their thirties who are single. They are really frum, call them yeshivish, litvish, etc. Where are they supposed to meet eligible bachelors, if they don't attend mixed gatherings and shabbatons, weekends, etc?

Friends don't set them up anymore, shadchanim don't think of them, etc. I really worry about these women.

Why don't you set them up with someone?

If I'd know eligible 30-40 year old men, do you think I wouldn't?

how about having a thread here (in members' subforum, of course), with very basic info (different memebrs can post theirs/ friends'/relatives' (with permission), and then others can just PM the author for more details and setting up? is it too far-fetched?

I don't think I'm getting your point. I'm 23 and female, and the guys that my friends are looking for are 30-40, and male. I'd hardly come across many of them, would I?

Why not? Even if you tell me that you don't have male friends, you have a husband. The husband has friends.

You sound like you're assuming that I'm sitting back and observing these poor singles, who have no dates. I've set up friends before, male and female. I've even made one shidduch. In the case of these women I'm now talking about, I have no connection to the types or ages of men that they're looking for.

And my husband is nearly 30. All of his friends are married.

should she just start ramdomly pairing her husband's friends with hers? even if she has 5 single female friends in their 30s and her husband has 5 single male friends between 30-40, does that mean they all or even one couple among them is for each other? of course, not. does it mean "she" should at least think of the possibilities? yes, but, i'm sure, she did.

Yay! There's no hope for young unmarried girls in their mid-twenties, either.

Trust me, you don't want any of his still-unmarried friends.

Not trying to be confrontational. You complained that friends weren't setting them up. Perhaps friends (in addition to you) ARE trying.

I don't understand why you seem to assume that all the friends of a nearly 30 year old man would be married. Plus, it doesn't have to be a close friend. It could be a guy from a shiur or minyan or his friend's brother, etc.



Certainly not an advocate of random pairing. Just pointing out that she shouldn't either:

1. Complain that friends aren't trying if she herself isn't

or

2. Have excuses for why she isn't setting them up but not extend those same (legitimate) excuses to the woman's other friends.

who wants to go first?

It's not assumption, it's fact. I don't quite understand . His friends are either all married, or they're not. In this case, his friends are all married. (Besides for some crazy ones who I believe fall into the "unmarriageable sdj's" category).



I'm sorry if it sounded like I was doing either; I certainly wasn't. I wasn't complaining that friends don't set them up, I was merely stating a fact. And I'm not giving excuses for myself, I'm explaining why I can't be of help in this particular situation. I've set up younger couples, but older ones seem out of my reach.

or


(motcha)

It seemed to me as if you implied that OF COURSE an almost 30 year old wouldn't have any unmarried friends. I suggested you look at your husband's friends, since I've never met him, there's no way I could know that this particular man doesn't have any unmarried friends. Of course, you then state that any who aren't married are "unmarriageable" so that clears that up. Nonetheless, I still maintain that even if his friends are all married (or the dregs of society), he might know someone from work, shul, family of friends, etc.

As for your second paragraph, I don't understand. You started this thread for us to brainstorm how to help older singles (worthy cause) or just to pity them?

To brainstorm. And actually, Elana thought of a good idea, so I'm glad something good may come out of this. Why would you assume I started a thread to pity someone? I must have a very low image around here.

and what made you think she did NOT think of them.

people, when will we stop thinking others are less smart/caring/thoughtful than we are?

I didn't but your subsequent comments were revealing:





***



*** I concede this one was taken slightly out of context but I think the others stand.

And I think you're reading way too much into my post. What is wrong with saying that I've had no luck setting up older couples? I'm in the younger scene; I've managed to set up younger couples. I don't see what's wrong with that.

And regarding my comment about some of my husband's friends being crazy, take it as the truth. My husband has a VERY large circle of friends, and any of the unmarried ones happen to be not very normal, or not never nice. There's no reason for me to think of setting up someone like that with a really nice young lady. If you'd know who I'm talking about, you'd be in a position to disagree. But you're not. He has some weird and crazy friends, who are unmarried for a reason.

Want a weird example? It should help. My husband and I were just married, and happened to be driving somewhere. He passed a friend, so he stopped and pulled over to say hi. The guy had a lollipop in his pocket, and he opened it, and popped it into my mouth before I had a chance to see what he was doing. Not a normal guy, not someone I'd set up a girl with.

Trust me when I say weird.

Fair enough.

I guess I just keep thinking that my hubby has several nice, normal, great friends who are single and knows many more from shul, etc. That's always the first place I look when trying to set up a woman. (and visa versa, I have lots of nice, normal, great female friends who are single and I think about when I try to set up a guy)

Uh, elana, youre being WAY too overprotective. No one's bashing belle (at least, not me) and my only response to your outbursts in this thread is

Is it necessary to post my likeness in every thread concerning pitiful losers?

I am not an animal! I am a human being! I... am... a man!

that's ok, i'm sure, not the first and not the last time but those are the exact emotiocons i would use sometimes as well when people start discerning posts millimeter by millimeter (not saying i'm not guilty fo the same). but whatever.

I publicly apologize for any harm I caused to befall the community through my regrettable actions.

nothing personal against you, AZ (you know, i like you and if you don't know it, i'm telling you ) it happens all the time, sometimes warranted and sometimes just to start up, sometimes i myself get caught up in the "excitement".

forget it. last time i try to set someone up...

No worries. Belle just happened to get too close to one of my soapboxes (and it's been a very hard week).

Of course, I know you like me! I mean, c'mon, who doesn't?