I was recently at a wedding, it annoyed me that there are certain people who go to dance for themselves (rent-a-crowd!) and start these complicated stepdances, leaving the chatan and kallah who didn't know the dance just standing there! The chatan walked out.

Don't get me wrong, i love weddings, i love dancing, i go to weddings to dance the night away. But people like that aren't being Sameach Chosson vekallah - They're out for themselves and are nothing but showoffs, it's really sick - it can ruin the atmosphere at a wedding.

Whadya think?

I hear ya....it annoys me too. These people want to dance, but won't "go dancing," so they let it out at simchas. I mean, I can think of worse things in the world, but this is definitely irritating.

As far as the chosson walking out, I find that hard to swallow. It's his wedding, he calls the shots. I can see him being bothered, but walking out?! How bad was it?

In any event, a lot of this can be avoided if the chosson and kallah ask the band not to play "line dance" music, and/or to stick to more traditional wedding music.

He probably took the oppurtunity to use the loo. And it did look stupid, he was standing at the side, while the rest of the dancefloor boogied. They didn't get the hint. It was very bad - the type of dancing - everyone out to enjoy themselves, and hang everyone else - precious little atmosphere.

And later on at the kumzits a whole group sat and sang, they were no where near the chosson and kallah!!! It was hysterical!

I've never been to a wedding with a kumzits. Is it a British thing?

I've seen it a few times, but it's usually right before/after bentching. And the chosson is always in the heart of it.

Sounds nice.

Its a yeshivish thing, instead of a mitsvah tants. After the last dance, yamamai and yerushalayim etc, most people have left already, the kallah sits next to the chosson (some don't) the bochurim sit in front, and sing - sometimes its just a few songs - always includes aishess chayil and then the chosson takes the mike for the inevitable solo. It has become a tradition. They can get lively, it is generally to slow things down so we don't leave the wedding on an anticlimax, ie lively dancing then get out the hall.

It's a chasidish thing too. Right before mitzvah tantz. Except that the kallah doesnt usually sit next to the chosson.

If you say so. I wouldn't know.

Inevitable....and usually intolerable....

I can't explain why, but for some reason that graphic made me laugh out loud.

depends which 'chasidish'... in MY chasidish, the kumzitz is ONE song which takes three minutes. there is no time to waste, it's 12:30 and mitzva tantz has to start. the kallah is busy kissing all her 60 friends goodbye while the chosson sits in a circle and listens to "yoily hut shoin chasana gehaaaaaaat"...

ahah. oh gosh. you should hear some of the ones I have heard. Embarrassing.

same here. i can't wait to try the line out on an annoying student

or an irate dh who thinks he's right!

SPOOOOOOOOOKEY!!!!!!

Ma zeh? Please translate...

Yoily got married. Yay.

In my world, the kumzits can take anywhere from 20-50 minutes, sometimes more, and the singing is beautiful.

So mitzvah tantz starts at 1:15 am then? cuz bentching is usually at 12:30 here.

I've been to quite a few weddings where the "kumsitz" was "shiri machteret" songs of the etzel and the lechi about Eretz Yisrael.
I don't know if they are very appropriate for a chasuna but I always enjoy it.

What are the words to that song?

nothing special - 'siman tov imazel tov y'hei loonee... yankl hut shoin chasana gehat'... lol

'chob es kein mul nish 'gehert.

Miri you ought to do this professionally. You actually made me laugh out loud. (well worth having insane insomnia when I know I'm exhausted, arrgh)

or you go and get your shtick at a family wedding, all excited 'cuz you made a crazy 'show' all by yourself , and as you're 'introducing' the main part of the shtick, this hired 'dance troupe' sashays outta nowhere, blinding everyone in their spangly (but tznius) costumes and egotistical pasted-on smiles (yes, they really look like that!) etc. and they dance around (and push people who are in their way) and do some synchronized moves looking nice on the outside (but they don't even know the kallah!!) etc. etc. etc. and lonely you and your friends are standing there dejectedly dangling your props..when they finally finish their contortions (really nothing that exciting) you meekly go about your business of 'presenting'..but everyone;s lost interest anyway, and to top it all off, there's no pics of what you did, and the video is all centered in the dancers...

*true story..

i don't know what goes on in satmar but in Lubavitch there is a little song that goes to the tune of עוצו עצה

yoili hot shoin chasene gehat/gemacht x2
keiner hot im nisht ge......

though by us their isn't to many yoelies, though there some including a famous one that just celebrated his 75th birthday

Fuuuuunny. Too true.

A dance troupe? I've never heard of that. Maybe this is a business opportunity for my friends and me. We're practically professionals at dancing for kallahs, keeping the circle wide enough for her to breathe, and getting people who don't belong out of the way.

Or instead of being a professional wedding dancer I could do stand up for insomniacs...

Who doesnt belong?

Reminds me, I once saw an elderly lady perform "shtick" - dancing around waving her arms about, wearing a pair of rubber washing up gloves, it made me cringe!

I hate it when the older girls at wedding push the kids away - it is their Simche too.

Girls who barely know the kallah but like dancing to live music don't belong in the inner circles. When it's obvious that they're not dancing for the kallah, but getting in the way (stepping on her!!) and showing off, we try to (politely) get them out.
Let them dance on the side if they want space and an audience.

And Pam- kindalach are more than welcome

Hmm... inner circles on the guys side is usually a speed thing - as in the inner circles are much faster without much connection to being closer to the chassan.

I know! At all the weddings i'm at I try to get the kids inside teh circle because most are too scared of getting mauled by the oncoming train! I usually stop where I am and gather the kids, (which surprises the people behind me till they realize teh kids really do belong there just as much as them!!)

So many people tell me that when I get married they'll for sure bring their kids as they know it'll be kid-friendly..can't wait, some party!!! bring your kiddies people!!! (hmmm..maybe I won't let anyone in till they have at least 2 kids with them..)

Just be careful who you define as not belonging and needing to be pushed out of the way.


My chavrusa of 2 years and I spent so much time together that he became one of my closest friends and I am his best friend.

He moved out of town for various reasons last summer. After a couple months he is engaged. He isn't there long so he basically only knows the friends and family of the kallah. He has managed to pick up a rabbi or two as new friends, but no close friends.

The wedding comes. There is a small contingent of Baltimore people but it is mostly people from his new city. Only some of the family (mainly the kallah and her kids) know me.

Well, I finally push my way in to the center so I can dance with my friend. Neither of us are good dancers (and we are stepping on each others toes from time to time) but two best friends dancing at the wedding of one, we are having a great time. Well, one of the Phily guys pushes me away after only about 15 seconds. I got the shortest time with him because someone who barely knows him (the guy is a friend of the kallah's family) and doesn't know me decided I didn't belong. The fact that I was the chassan's shomer, and the only non-family member they wanted up front at the chupa with them should have told this guy something (and other than his mother I was the only person the chassan wanted up there at all), but I guess not.

Lots of things at the standard frum wedding miss the point. IMO

I'm the one who takes the little cousins and runs rings round the kallah, I know I look an idiot but , if the kids are having fun I don't give a hoot. They also have a tradition to ride on my shoulders and dance with the kallah and have twists when the dancefloor is empty.

I'm sorry to hear that you were pushed out of the way, ChaimDov. It's one of the most beautiful parts of the wedding when the Chasan and Kallah dance with the people they are closest to, IMHO (one of the reasons I love Mitzvah Tanzes! ).

I've learned that if I want a chance to dance with the Kallah, I have to be a bit aggressive and make sure I stay close to her. But if I'm a not very close friend or relative, I don't dance with her long and back off a bit so her friends get a chance to dance with her longer. It's derech eretz not to hog the Kallah's space and attention.

I get amused at the hierarchy and territoriality of friends as they self-rank themselves and assert and proclaim their closeness to the chatan and kallah during the dancing.

If you know the Kallah or Chasan well, you probably know who their close friends are, who they like to hang out with the most, and who they are related to.

If you don't know them well, get out of the inner circle!

Such as?


Its fun to watch, especially when one is too shy to join in the fun and games.

I get really annoyed when there is a lot of super-personal shtick; i.e. when there is a small group of close friends who repeatedly bring out these detailed, esoteric things that no one except like 4 people might get, and they constantly hog the middle of the circle while the other 200 women just stand on the side and say, "huh?!" A friend pointed out to me yesterday that the point is to make the kallah happy, not the guests, and she definitely had a good point. But it still annoys me! In my ideal wedding there is room for a little of that stuff, but only a limited amount.

At the wedding of a family member, two of the Kallah's 'best friends' were so protective of her, they wouldn't let us (the immediate family) into the hall when the couple was taking pictures after the chuppa. It was alright for them to be there with their husbands though (while our entire extended family waited on the stairs, trying to push in).

Talk about sticking your nose where it shouldn't be.

Even if you don't get the personal shtick, if you see how much it means to the kallah, why does it bother you?

I simply find it annoying, that's all. I'm not saying I am necessarily right.

It's like telling a secret to someone at a table in the presence of others - it's impolite, plain and simple.

The question is if they're doing it to be mesamei'ach the couple, or if they're doing it to demonstrate their knowledge of an intimate fact. Once again, I suspect it's being territorial - to show how close they are to the couple.

It's not a secret, though. If you ask someone, they'll probably explain the "inside joke" behind the shtick. You might not understand it anyway, though.